One-Act-A-Week

When Glover & I finally put a play we wrote on its feet for the first time, it was pretty exhilarating.

Because as shabby & rough-around-the-edges as the finished product was, it was a MASSIVE leap from its humble beginnings.  

Those Post-It Notes there might look pretty big, but they’re actually the smallest ones 3M makes. And that’s what a majority of our first play was written on. 

See, my day job was working at a standardized test facility at the time.

And instead of ruining your children’s futures, 

our first week consisted of sitting there, while new candidates were being trained by our boss. And all we were armed with were pens & - you guessed it - scads of the tiniest Post-It-Notes known to man.

So, I wrote a shitload of random, stream-of-consciousness scenes between two guys due to sheer boredom & the abundance of Post-It Notes. 

My creative output during that 40-hour workweek easily exceeded the amount of stuff I’d written in 10 years up to that point. 

Once I had a stack of these things staring back at me, I got tired of calling the characters “A” & “B”, so I gave them names:

Fab & Gunner, 

named after two cruddy guys from two despicable rock duos.

Then I brought THIS guy into it,

who wound up writing a bunch of his own scenes, which I tossed into the mix.

And from that point on, I edited our favorites down into a slightly chaotic form, which I eventually linked with even more random monologues: thoughts that these two characters would speak to an audience, but not be able to verbalize with the other guy.

(This one happened to provide us with a title for the play.)

Long story short, let’s just say that it all seemed to work somehow. 

We got some nice press,

the tagline we came up with kept any haters from confusing it with Shakespeare,

we produced it a couple of times (including at Austin’s Frontera Fest)

& it turned us into what basically became the dorky comedy team known as Pommelhorse.

So, why am I explaining all of this? Who gives a shit, right?

Well, the whole point of this is, once we chopped all the material down to a cozy 60 minutes, there was a LOT of stuff we either cut or decided to pass on. 

And that’s where these three notebooks come in. For every blue tab you see here, there’s another Fab & Gunner scene or monologue.

That being said, you could consider this the long-lost sequel to “Feelgood Hits Of The 70′s.” But since nobody reading this probably saw the original show to compare it with, I’ll set the stage:

• THERE’S NO CONNECTION BETWEEN THIS WEEK’S & LAST WEEK’S

Week 39′s one-act had “hornet” in the title & this week’s has “bees” in it. Backstory: every monologue I wrote had a title. Honestly, this could’ve been called “Itty Bitty Titty Committee” or “Lick It Up.” Let’s say I took the high road.

• NEITHER OF THE THESE GUYS ARE EXACTLY HEROES

The first thing you might notice is that they’re just a couple of idiotic rubes. Nothing redeeming about either of their personalities. They’re superficial &, at times, misogynistic, but they’re unabashedly who they are. The end.

• MOST OF THIS WAS CLEARLY WRITTEN A DECADE AGO

I was a different person & we lived in different times in 2005. A LOT of this has been cleaned up or revamped to be more palatable for the dainty sensibilities of 2015. And believe it or not, there’s still stuff I left out. Be thankful for that.

• A SHOW THAT’S REALLY ABOUT NOTHING FOR REALSIES

That whole “No subtext, no growth, no future” thing is big with me. “Feelgood Hits” as well as this really embrace the idea that there’s no real arc with these characters. Nothing really happens, per se. And I like it like that. 

• NONE OF THIS MATERIAL IS MATTHEW GLOVER’S

As egotistical as that may sound, I’m saying it for non-egotistical reasons. First off, these are from my notebooks, so clearly it’s just my scaps. Secondly, I wouldn’t pin this potentially tasteless material on him. I love the guy too much.

• THAT LAST BIT AT THE END ABOUT “THE BROWN BUNNY”

If you’ve never seen this Vincent Gallo flick, do yourself a favor & watch it (probably not on Netflix). What a glorious “fuck you” of cinema. Anyhoo, this was always an in-joke with me & Glover & it’s the only new material in this.

• LET’S SAY YOU’RE ONE OF THE 250 (?) PEOPLE WHO SAW FGH70S

First of all, you’re a rare breed. You should start some kind of post-traumatic therapy group or something. Anyhoo, this takes place directly after the end of “Feelgood Hits of the 70′s.” You know, for what it’s worth to whoever. 

And lastly, here’s a tiny Spotify playlist that accompanies the front & back of it.

Okay, so enough of my yakking. Here’s “I Dream Of Bees.” 

Cheers!